My college advice 2026/01/13

my exams and therefore my semester are almost finished and BOY was it the toughest semester i've ever had in my LIFE. all because of one professor i'm so serious. and FYI, this has nothing to do with him as a person, but oh my days this man genuinely has 0 teaching experience and has the complete inability on how to guide and support students. he DEFINITELY knows his stuff, but he just lacks the ability to properly teach it.

i wish i was exaggerating when i say this semester was hell on earth. my college in general also seems to completely lack the ability to properly plan our schedules and stuff, so everything was incredibly packed. i've never been this busy before i think.

i've crashed out multiple times lmao. compared myself and questioned my own intelligence regularly. "am i too stupid for this?" "others are just 'getting' this stuff right away, how come i can't?" everything was so overwhelming.

so here comes my advice from the stuff i learned through this all. in a classroom full of people taking the same course, no one is 'too stupid' to get it. the fact that some of your classmates digest the material faster than you do is LITERALLY simply because of experiental knowledge. i repeat: experiental knowledge. i study programming, for context. for some of my classmates this might be their second time taking this course because they had to redo it, so of course they're going to understand the concepts way faster. perhaps others have already learned a different, but similar programming language, which means they got a head-start on this new language.

my point is, you don't know other people's backgrounds. and even if you do, there are lots of things people struggle with in secret that you're not aware of. someone who constantly gets high grades might struggle with extreme perfectionism and are constantly on the brink of burnouts and crashouts. THAT'S NOT HEALTHY!!! and this is NOT who you should be setting as your example!

besides! PLEASE remember that you have a life outside of higher education and that school is simply a part of your life. school is not your life that you happen to be a part of. think of your hobbies. you might have more time-consuming hobbies than your classmates, so naturally you'll be having less time to sit down and study a subject. if this is not the case, go back to the second point i made: these A students might be mentally struggling more than you think T_T

i struggled a lot with trying to 'keep up' this semester, because i kept feeling like 'my best' wasn't 'good enough'. but you need to realize that 'your best' means whatever effort you can put in COMFORTABLY. anything else, anything beyond that, is no longer your best, it's your worst, because you're turning into the worst version of yourself by pushing yourself into a burnout. it's imperative that you NEED to remember this. YOUR best does NOT equal what you think you SHOULD achieve. YOUR best has to do with whatever you're able to achieve within your own limits.

and i know this might not feel 'good enough', and that's normal. that is the point. you are already imagining the 'end of the road' (if that's even a thing, because i believe we are lifelong learners) as the 'best' you should be doing now, when you still have to start walking the road. you cannot possibly write a novel when you haven't fully grasped the alphabet. the thing is, through experience, you will slowly broaden your limits, that's how this all works. and then you will look back at where you started, and then you will smile and think, "wow, i can't believe i used to struggle with this".

so if you struggle with studying: listen to your body. do you feel like you just can't study anymore today? then that's your best. your body is literally telling you: you did your best today because you just hit your limit. stop here, and do something fun. any more than that and your mental health is going to go downhill again (aka, no longer your best). try again tomorrow with a fresh mind. don't think about approaching deadlines, they don't matter in the long run. at the end of the day, there should be no rush if you truly care about the things you're learning. again, you did your best today, and you should be proud of yourself. time will do its thing, as it always does.

so don't be too harsh on the current version of yourself. you can only work within your current limits and with the current knowledge that's sitting within your current brain structure. the most you can do, is your best. expansion and experience with come naturally everytime you do this.

don't let grades define you either. it's easier said than done to not feel like a failure, but "failure" is an inability to fullfill a directive. and seeing as your life shouldn't revolve around school, humans have no programmed directive. humans' evolutionary directive is to live. you are alive. everything else is bonus.

- sky

Soulmates 2025/11/24

remember that college friend i mentioned at the end of last blog post? well, we're kinda dating now lmao

i've never felt this way with a person before. we have everything in common, we are SO alike it's crazy. i think common interests, humor, and views on the world are the most important aspects in a relationship to me. we both grew up with so many of the same things and i'm stunned everytime we discover yet ANOTHER similarity between the two of us. for example, we both really like metal. i love metal. i can't imagine spending my life with someone who doesn't share the same music taste. music is so important to me. we're both music lovers. he plays the guitar & drum, i sing and play the piano, and we're both interested in creating music (together) ^_^

and for my fellow astrology nerds out there: it's also kinda crazy how me and him are both water signs (pisces & scorpio respectively), and we both have the exact same moon (pisces) and rising sign (gemini) too T_T no wonder we are so alike lmao

i've never crushed like this on a person before [i don't really label myself anymore, but if i had to i'd say demisexual feels best, so my 'crush' only develops after i already have a strong bond with that person already lol] and i feel like i'm winning at life. i fucking LOVE yearners. none of that 'noncha' bullshit. i feel so wanted. so prioritized. he does things out of his own volition where i'm just like "wdym i don't have to ASK for this??" and i'm beyond grateful. creating a photo album dedicated to me, creating a spotify playlist of songs that remind him of me, naming his video game characters after me LIKE... sorry chat. the woman was simply too stunned to speak.

my god. i'm so in love.

i know i probably sound like a corny ass lovesick fool in this blog post but idgaf, i'm just stunned okay? i've never felt this way with a person before, i feel like we are the perfect match, i love everything about him, he loves everything about me. he's everything i ever wished for in a person, i'm so serious. one might say he's my soulmate.

the thing is, i don't think i believe in soulmates. i think that everyone thinks their current partner or crush is their 'soulmate'. i used to think past people i dated were my 'soulmates' too. i frankly don't think we have soulmates. i think, both in a platonic or romantic sense, everyone we meet shapes us into the person we are today and you wouldn't be who you are without certain people and experiences from the past. exes you don't talk to anymore, friendships that have faded over time...

'we are a mosaic of everyone we've ever loved'. i think that's true. you always learn something about yourself or about life with every person you meet. if we never met these people, who would you be today? i feel like they gave me the opportunity to learn and grow, so i can be the best version of myself when i finally do meet "the one". but even then, i will still continue to learn and grow no matter what. and that's okay. that's the point of it all.

i think that there is no permanent state of the self. the point of life is to be in a constant state of change, growth, and acceptance. so enjoy the ride, and be kind to yourself.

- sky

Friends & college 2025/10/25

i'm going through a very busy period in my college semester atm and my mind is all over the place. it also doesn't help that i'm dogshit at identifying and classifying my emotions on top of that!!! i'm so grateful for my friends tho they mean the world to me. i recently vented about something related to love & romance to my two best friends, and it felt so good. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !! i'm someone who's VERY prone to bottling things up, so this was much needed.

i'm starting to get to know more people from my classes, which i'm honestly so glad about. if my past self looked at me now she'd be both shocked and proud of how far i've come. i used to be an incredibly reserved and shy person. i still am, from time to time, but i'm starting to get more comfortable getting out of my comfort zone and being more social. it's crazy to think that some people in my classes might even view me as an extrovert?! even though i'm honestly a textbook introvert ;p i did not use to be like this guys !!!

while there's significant improvement, i do still mask a LOT. not sure if this is something i'll ever unlearn tbh. i've definitely gotten a lot better at regulating myself ever since my autism diagnosis i got back in 2023, but i still catch myself slipping from time to time. i do have an easier time taking a step back when i notice myself getting overwhelmed though, so that it doesn't snowball into a burnout again.

idk. the second i step outside, i automatically mask. i feel like it's second nature at this point. any autistics who can relate to this? i do keep trying to remind myself everyday that i should be unapologetically autistic, but that's easier said than done. i often feel embarrassed about the things i say or do. i know the people around me would be like 'what are you talking about, you're not embarrassing!!' but that's because i purposly hide my 'embarrassing' traits, i can't help it T_T

this is rather turning more into a slight vent post lol but it just sucks that i feel like i have to suppress certain parts of myself. i know i technically don't HAVE to, and i know my friends would never judge me, but still IDK WHAT IT IS... what years of undiagnosed autism and judgement from peers does to a mf i guess... like i'd be getting comfortable being #silly and #autistic but then someone would give me one odd look or tell me to 'calm down' or be 'less dramatic' and idk why but that hurts a lot to hear fsr and instantly makes me want to shut down. i just get very excited about the things i love.

ANYWAY THIS IS GETTING WAY TOO LONG... i need to end this on a good note; i made a very good friend in college, and i always look forward to classes because of this person, we have so much in common and it makes me very happy :]

- sky

First blog post... 2025/10/08

i've been having a lot of fun coding this page! i'm really proud with how it turned out :3 lots of what i'm about to write here are honestly just things i've already been writing in a physical little notebook of mine, but i like the idea of preserving my thoughts on a little corner on the internet as well.

lately i've been thinking about how it somehow brings me a lot of comfort that 'the future' is something no one has ever been to. like, not a single person in the history of mankind has ever been there before yknow? we're all stepping into it together, at the same time, for the first time.

anyway, didn't mean to get all deep and philosophical there ;p college has been pretty hectic lately. i love the courses and i'm so grateful for being able to learn this stuff but OMG the amount of crashouts C# has given me... i also hate how as of now, we are still only covering the "boring" stuff. but once i can apply all this C# knowledge to a game dev context it's over for y'all >:3c my dream is to make a small video game featuring some of my ocs!!!

- sky